The iPhone 7 has only just been revealed, but as we've already discussed, it's a total mess.
So rather than dwell on a low point, let's stay in a positive mood (yay! Sunshine! Puppies! The imminent heat death of the universe!) and look ahead to what can be improved in the iPhone 8. Onwards!
1. Put a headphone port back in
Come on, no-one wants to have to buy another adapter and go through the extra inconvenience of losing another piece of plastic (and never mind the cost, on top of the already more expensive iPhone this year).
Have some sense, Apple, and put a headphone port back in.
2. Reduce the price of the AirPods
£159 / $159. Let that sink in.
One hundred and sixty big ones.
Expensive enough in itself, right?
Well the double wammy comes in the form of that effectively being more expensive for UK customers. Yay.
3. Give the smaller iPhone a second back camera...
The iPhone 7 Plus has a second back-facing camera so you can fiddle with HDR and depth of field settings in photos. A neat touch, I'm sure you'll agree.
But it's a feature the majority of users won't be able to use, since they'll be buying the standard 7, not the Plus.
Stick that second little lens on the back of the 7 too and then we can all be friends!
Right now the 7's camera looks so lonely :(
4. ...and make it properly 3D
HDR and depth of field settings are cool, but if you're going to have a second back camera, could it not have been set another inch apart, allowing the iPhone to take 3D photos and videos?
The 3DS did it for cheap years ago, and while 3D may have been a fad, Apple could easily be the ones to kick start it. Sharing 3D photos could be the new selfie!
(I just hope they're not. God that would be annoying.)
5. Use wireless charging
How the iPhone hasn't already got this - especially with how much you have to charge the damned things - is a joke.
The 7 would've been the perfect device to introduce it with, too: the removal of the headphone jack would not have caused such a stir if the Lightning port could be used exclusively for accessories, and not charging.
6. #MakeiOSGreatAgain
By the time the iPhone 8 comes out, we'll be onto iOS 12.
Firstly, this sounds ridiculous. Like that one day we all woke up in the year 2015 and thought, "When did we teleport into the Space Era?"
Secondly, will iOS finally be any good by this point? Apple's mobile operating system has been lagging behind Android for a while now - even mimicking its features and customisation options in many ways - and the latest update has done little to change that.
Yaayy, we can put stickers in our messages now, woo…
7. #BringBackTheHomeButton
In case you missed it, the old home button is getting replaced with a new touch sensitive… pad... area... thing. I don't really know what to call it.
Basically it's sort of like a button except instead of clicking it in, you press it in with differing amounts of force and with different tap combinations, to carry out multiple commands.
The upshot of this is that the most satisfying action in the world, clicking in an iPhone home button, has been robbed from us forever.
#BringBackTheHomeButton.
8. #StopWithTheHashtagsNowPleaseOkayThanksNoProblem
Sorry.
