The NX is out soon! We think! We hope! Well, it's definitely out in March 2017 at the very latest.

And you know what that means? The Nintendo naysayers will be out in force again, as will the Nintendo Defence Force. There will be blood, tears, sweat, water breaks, possibly alcohol, and definitely Sunny Delight involved, and it's going to be amazing.

Every time Nintendo releases a console, we get the same routine. Nintendo fans love it at first, then hate it, then love it again, while somehow avoiding being swallowed up by the abyss created by their own constant 180ing.

Trolls, meanwhile, observe the idiots, laughing to themselves maniacally. They plot how best to attack the Nintendo fan club - examining its weak spots like a B list end of level boss.

I am a troll, and I love it.

Here's four reasons why the NX will fail.

4. 'Consoles in your pocket' don't work

According to reports, the Nintendo NX is a console / handheld hybrid. But the simple fact is that 'consoles in your pocket' just do not work

Have you ever tried sticking a PS3 in your jeans? It's impossible. Trust me, I've tried.

As has Sony: the PSP was meant to be a PS2 in your pocket in the same way the Vita was designed as a portable PS3. And the Vita worked out really well!

3. Nintendo hasn't made a good handheld or console game in years

Listen, when was the last time you remember playing a good Nintendo game, either on Wii U or 3DS? It was years ago at least, right?

The only good game Nintendo has made in the last three years (if not more) is Pokemon GO, and that wasn't even developed by Nintendo!

2. It's a Nintendo console

Nintendo hasn't even made a good home console in years. The Wii U flopped, the Wii had precisely zero good games, and the Gamecube - well, it was the Gamecube.

"Oh," you say, struggling to articulate your potent rage / confusion mix, "but the NX isn't a home console, it's a console / handheld hybrid!"

Yeah? Well let's take a look at Ninty's track record of handhelds of late: the 3DS was their worst selling handheld for years (and had a pointless stereoscopic screen), the DS was just weird (why, WHY, did it have two screens?), and what on Earth was the Game Boy Micro?!

Sure, that sounds like a good idea, let's stick together one part of a failing business with another, equally rubbish part of a failing business. Good plan, chaps. I'm sure that will work out…

1. You

All these reasons are excellent, bulletproof, and foolproof (well, maybe not foolproof, you're already mad at them, after all).

But the number one reason why the NX will fail is you.

Either you won't buy it, in which case you're directly contributing to its failure.

Or you will buy it, and hate it, buying bugger all games, trading it in after three weeks, and fuelling the pre-owned market, starving Nintendo of another sale.

Or you'll buy it and love it, and you'll become part of the Nintendo Defence Force, which sparked this exact article.

Thank you ;)