PewDiePie has a new game out. If you're reading this, you probably already knew that.

It's called PewDiePie's Tuber Simulator (presumably because they weren't allowed to have YouTube in the title), and it's the latest in a long line of mobile games to be associated with real celebrities. Most of them are bad.

This one is no different.

If this is what life is really like for ol Pewds, I feel really sorry for the bloke.

Everything is pixelated

Pixelation makes everything ugly. Often, games with an 8-bit art style look bright and colourful, but as you will see, this game is dark, grey, and murky to the core.

Microtransactions are everywhere

You have to pay for everything. New camera? Pay. Want a bigger room? Pay.
You even have to pay with your soul to get more Twitter followers.

(This is a joke. Please don't @ me.)

It's quite literally a YouTuber simulator

You make videos according to trending topics. You try and get as many views. For some reason, views are a currency. You spend those views on new items for your room.

You have to wait for videos to be recorded and edited. You collect subscribers.

You're poor when you first start out, so you can only buy rubbish equipment. More views let you buy better cameras and mics.

PewDiePie is at the top of an actual leaderboard of YouTubers, with links to their proper YouTube channels inside.

He's always looking down on you, knowing he'll forever be superior. You live in his shadow. You plot to overthrow him. You lurk, in the shadowy, leafy, annoyingly nice and uncharacteristic-for-this-fantasy suburbs. The YouTube police catch wind. You hear sirens. You run. You live a life as a fugitive. You always swear revenge on the man who forced you away from your family.

You never do get revenge. You wish you'd never played that silly game. You get confused by what is an amusing but poorly-judged joke that wore thin about 34 words ago. You read the next story.

DISCLAIMER: This is all a joke. As is the game itself. PewDiePie is great, though. He has great hair.