Do you like endless fetch quests? Love sub-par combat? Are you a horny teenager looking to love it up with a virtual vixen?

Then you'll love Bioware's RPGs!

Bioware RPGs have been sending fans to sleep for years, but I'm afraid I've got some sad news for all you mobile players out there - Jade Empire, Bioware's 2005 RPG originally released for the Xbox - is now on iPad.

I know, I'm sorry.

To celebrate (commiserate), we're going to rank the major Bioware RPG series from the past few years from worst to best. Strap yourselves in!

5. Dragon Age

Listen, Dragon Age is rubbish. It's dull, trite, and nonsensical trash. I don't know about you, but I am so so bored of mages and dwarves and yet another bloody dragon species.

Dragon Age epitomises everything wrong with Bioware's games. The draw out fetch quests; the glacial combat; the least interesting of any of their games. Dragon Age is just bad.

And that's not to mention the second game in the series. Dragon Age 2 disappointed so many people after what was, inexplicably, a much loved first entry in Dragon Age: Origins.

4. Mass Effect

Mass Effect falls foul of many of the same problems as Dragon Age, albeit with better combat.

The addition of guns makes everything more exciting, of course, but it can't hide the slow paced story and the most frustrating ending to a trilogy since forever. Seriously Bioware, what were you thinking?

The fact it had to introduce a new ending via DLC following a fan backlash says it all.

Mass Effect also improves upon its cousins simply through being in space. Space makes everything and anything cooler. SPACE.

3. Knights of the Old Republic

Star Wars is possibly the greatest licence in film history. Good job KOTOR had one of the best twists in the whole of gaming history, then - I'm still not going to spoil it now, 13 years later, it's that good. It is well old now though, so it's therefore inherently, totally bad. Knights of the Old Republic 2 is newer, but was worse when it came out, so that's out the window.

And The Old Republic? Pfft. Don't even talk to me about The Old Republic. That was so bad literally no-one played it. Bioware even had to change it to free to play halfway through its life in an attempt to artificially create a player base.

It didn't work.

It's a shame, because a new game in the KOTOR series had so much potential. Ah well. Maybe the next one will be good. We can only hope.

2. Baldur's Gate

Now I know I've just said old games are bad, and that's true, but Baldur's Gate not only paved the way for RPGs for years to come and formed the blueprint for many of those, it also revived the whole genre, single handedly.

So this is what's to blame for the following 20 years of terrible Bioware games then!

1. The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt

Yes, that's right. Bioware finally did it in 2015. They finally made a great RPG - and what an RPG!

An enthralling setting, genuinely interesting characters, fun quests, a beautiful world - The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt is just about the perfect RPG. Nice one Bioware, you really can make great games!

Can't wait for the next one!