With FIFA 14 hitting the App Store virtual shelves yesterday, we thought it only right and proper that we make video to give you guys a peek at what you can expect from the game.

Unfortunately, that job fell to me, a man whose knowledge of football and football games is on a par with a moth's understanding of string theory. Or my own understanding of string theory.

However, rather than crumble beneath the weight of my sporting ignorance, I decided to boot up the game, grab a microphone, and push on regardless. 

Here is the result: